The Institute for Family Studies surveyed 1,518 US adults in 2021 and
found a clear asymmetry in fertility regret. 29-37% of all US adults
wish they had more children than they currently have, including both
parents who want additional children (24%) and childless adults who
want to start (13%). On the other side, only 14% of parents wish
they had fewer children. The desire for more consistently outweighs
the desire for fewer, roughly two-to-one.
This asymmetry aligns with Gilovich and Medvec’s prediction that
inaction regrets dominate over time. The gap between desired and actual
fertility has been a persistent structural feature of US demography for
decades, and IFS trend data shows it is widening: the share of Americans
who say the ideal family size is three or more children recently hit a
50-year high. People are not adjusting their preferences downward to
match their behavior — they continue to wish for more even as birth
rates fall.
The comparison is imperfect in several ways. “Wishing for more” is not
the same as regretting a specific past decision — it may reflect
wistfulness about circumstances (finances, partner, timing) rather than
decisional regret. The populations are also not cleanly symmetric: the
14% is measured among parents, while the 33% includes childless adults.
And the largest confound is involuntariness: many people who want more
children face fertility limitations, financial barriers, or partner
disagreement, making the “inaction” label somewhat misleading. They did
not choose fewer children — they ended up with fewer.
A complementary signal from the children themselves: a YouGov poll of
2,000 US adults (November 2023) found that 66% of adults who grew up
as only children wish they had had at least one sibling, against 34%
who were satisfied with the arrangement. The child’s sibling-wish rate
(66%) runs almost double the parent’s wish-for-more rate (33%), a gap
that hints at a systematic blind spot: parents may underestimate how
much their child will want a sibling, while the child feels the absence
as an adult. These are different populations answering different
questions, not directly comparable rates, but the directional divergence
is worth registering.
Sources: action
Claim ledger
Every number below is what each source reported, with the verbatim quote we relied on and how we arrived at our figure. Click any link to verify directly.
[1]Institute for Family Studies / Stone — To Have Kids or Not: Which Decision Do Americans Regret More?↗ 1 other entry
Reference source
14% of people with children agreed 'I wish I had had fewer children' (10% of all US adults)
Excerpt
“"Just 14% of people with children agreed with the statement 'I wish I had had fewer children' (which equals 10% of all adults). The vast majority of people want to have children and more than a third wish they had more."
”
Source data from
2021-12-08
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
Data from the second wave of the US Adult Sexual Behaviors and Attitudes Study, fielded March 2021 (n=1,518). The 14% is among parents specifically. We use 0.14 as the regret_rate for the action side (having had too many).
[2]Pew Research Center — The Experiences of U.S. Adults Who Don't Have Children↗ 2 other entries
Reference source
Among adults 50+ without children, 38% say there was a time they wanted children; broader context for fertility preference gaps
Excerpt
“"Among adults ages 50 and older who don't have children, 38% say there was a time when they wanted to have children. About three-in-ten (32%) say they never wanted children."
”
Source data from
2024-07-25
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
Pew data provides cross-validation for the IFS survey. The 38% who once wanted children among the childless represents a ceiling for wish-for-more regret. Used as contextual support, not as the primary figure.
Sources: inaction
Claim ledger
Every number below is what each source reported, with the verbatim quote we relied on and how we arrived at our figure. Click any link to verify directly.
[1]Institute for Family Studies / Stone — To Have Kids or Not: Which Decision Do Americans Regret More?↗ 1 other entry
Reference source
37% of US adults wish they had more children than they currently have (including 24% who are parents and want more, plus 13% who are childless and want children)
Excerpt
“"A third (34%) have children and are happy with the number they have and another third — the largest group — wish they had more children than they currently have."
”
Source data from
2021-12-08
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
The 37% figure combines parents who want more (24%) and childless adults who want children (13%). As a share of all US adults, this is the largest fertility-preference group. We use 0.33 as a conservative midpoint of the 29-37% range reported across survey questions.
[2]Institute for Family Studies — Americans' Desire for Large Families Hits 50-Year High↗ 1 other entry
Reference source
The share of Americans who say the ideal family size is 3+ children rose to the highest level in 50 years, indicating a persistent gap between desired and actual fertility
Excerpt
“"The share of Americans who say the ideal family size is three or more children has risen to the highest level in 50 years, widening the gap between desired and actual fertility."
”
Source data from
2023-06-28
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
Trend data showing that the desire-for-more gap is widening over time. Supports the 33% wish-for-more figure as potentially conservative. The gap between desired and actual fertility is a structural feature of modern US demography.
Caveats
The "wish for fewer" and "wish for more" populations overlap imperfectly: the 14% is among current parents, while the 33% includes both parents who want more and childless adults who want children. Comparing a parent-only subset to an all-adults figure inflates the apparent asymmetry. The IFS survey used single-item agreement scales, not a validated regret instrument. "Wishing you had more" is not the same as regretting a specific decision — it may reflect wistfulness rather than decisional regret. Financial constraints, fertility limitations, and partner disagreement mean that not having more children is often involuntary, which complicates the action/inaction framing.
A complementary angle from the child's perspective: YouGov (November 2023, n=2,000 US adults, sample-matched from 2019 ACS) found that 66% of adults who grew up as only children wished they had had at least one sibling; only 34% were satisfied with being an only child. About 12% of US adults grew up as only children. The child-perspective sibling-wish rate (66%) runs substantially higher than the parent- perspective wish-for-more rate (33%), suggesting that the cost of stopping at one child is felt more acutely by the child than it is anticipated by the parent making the decision. This child-perspective data cannot be directly compared to the action/inaction parent regret rates — different populations, different question frames — but it provides relevant context for understanding who bears the regret asymmetry. Source: https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/47825-most-only-children-wish-they-had-at-least-one-sibling-us-poll
