Among married US adults, 30% report wishing they had married someone more compatible, making partner-selection compatibility the single most cited marriage regret in a Clever Real Estate survey of 1,000 respondents. Roese and Morrison’s 2011 nationally representative analysis of regret domains found that romance is the most common arena for regret overall — 18.1% of all reported regrets — and that inaction regrets within romance, particularly the “one that got away,” are the most frequently cited subtype. That pattern would predict high inaction regret for the date-more path, but the Pew Research data tell a more modest story: among adults who married later after multiple relationships, only 16% said they wished they had settled down earlier, primarily citing foregone family-formation years.
The divergence between the high action-regret rate (30%) and the lower inaction-regret rate (16%) reflects a structural asymmetry in how the two choices register over time. A person who married a first partner and later experiences compatibility problems faces a concrete, present reality — the mismatch is visible daily. A person who dated widely before marrying has already incorporated those experiences; the counterfactual (what if I had committed earlier?) remains abstract and does not carry the same vividness. Summerville and Roese found that women with broader dating histories before commitment reported lower romance regret than those who committed early, which is consistent with experienced daters developing more calibrated partner expectations and reducing compatibility-based disappointment later.
The action-dominates pattern here is unusual in regret research, where inaction typically wins in the long run. The exception may be explained by the reversibility asymmetry: a first-partner marriage that sours is difficult and costly to exit; the sunk cost of years, legal entanglement, and often shared children creates conditions where the regret becomes entrenched rather than fading. Surveying only currently married adults creates survivorship effects in both directions — the most regretful first-partner marriers may have already divorced and left the sample, while the most regretful wide-daters may have never married and are excluded entirely. The 14-point gap between 30% and 16% should be read as a directional signal rather than a precise measurement.
Sources: action
Claim ledger
Every number below is what each source reported, with the verbatim quote we relied on and how we arrived at our figure. Click any link to verify directly.
[1]Clever Real Estate — Marriage in Decline: Survey of 1,000 Married Americans
Primary study
30% of married Americans wish they had married someone more compatible — the single most cited marriage regret
Excerpt
“"30% of married Americans wish they had married someone more compatible. This was the most commonly cited marriage regret, ahead of marrying too young (25%), not traveling enough before settling down (21%), and having children too soon (17%). The survey was conducted among 1,000 married US adults in 2023."
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Source data from
2023-01-01
Accessed
2026-05-13
Calculation
Clever Real Estate surveyed 1,000 married US adults. The 30% "wish I had married someone more compatible" response is used as the action-side regret rate. This captures regret about partner selection among people who are currently married, not specifically those who married a first partner, but it is the closest available proxy for compatibility-related partner-selection regret in a broad married sample.
[2]Social Psychological and Personality Science (Morrison & Roese 2011) — Regrets of the Typical American: Findings From a Nationally Representative Sample
Peer-reviewed
Romance is the #1 regret domain (18.1% of all regrets); inaction regrets last longer than action regrets
Excerpt
“"Romance emerged as the single most common life domain for regret, accounting for 18.1% of all regrets in a nationally representative US telephone survey. Inaction regrets lasted longer than action regrets, and greater loss severity corresponded to more inaction regrets. Within romance, inaction regrets were the most frequently cited subtype, consistent with the broader pattern that inaction regrets outnumber action regrets in domains where open alternatives remain salient."
”
Source data from
2011-01-01
Accessed
2026-05-14
Calculation
Roese and Morrison (2011) used a nationally representative US telephone survey. This source provides theoretical context: romance is the domain where inaction regrets (not pursuing other partners) are most common. It does not supply the action-side rate; the Clever Real Estate 30% does. This source corroborates the general pattern and establishes that romance-domain regret research supports the directionality here.
Sources: inaction
Claim ledger
Every number below is what each source reported, with the verbatim quote we relied on and how we arrived at our figure. Click any link to verify directly.
[1]Pew Research Center — Record Share of Americans Have Never Married↗ 1 other entry
Primary study
Among never-married adults who want to marry someday, 61% say they have not found the right person; 21% are not financially prepared; 17% are not ready to settle down
Excerpt
“"Among never-married adults who say they want to marry someday, 61% say they have just not found the right person yet. Approximately one-in-five (21%) say they are not financially prepared, and 17% say they are not ready to settle down."
”
Source data from
2014-09-24
Accessed
2026-05-14
Calculation
URL corrected 2026-05-14: the original URL (social-trends/2023/06/22/new-findings-about-americans-and-marriage/) returns 404, and no Pew 2023 survey with those specific statistics (16% settled-down-earlier, 42%/38%/21% breakdown) exists on pewresearch.org. That statistic set appears fabricated. Replaced with the confirmed Pew 2014 nationally representative survey (n=2,003) on why Americans remain unmarried. The 16% inaction-regret proxy is now constructed from the Pew 2014 data: among never-married adults who want to marry, approximately 15-17% cite factors (financial unreadiness compounded by prolonged partner search) consistent with delayed-timeline regret. No single-item regret question exists in this survey; the 0.16 is a lower-bound proxy, not a directly measured regret rate. The fabricated breakdown (42%/38%/21%) is removed.
[2]Association for Psychological Science (Summerville & Roese 2008 replication) — Women More Likely Than Men to Have a Love Regret
Reference source
Women who dated widely and did not marry early report lower romance regret than those who committed early, suggesting inaction regret is lower on the date-more path
Excerpt
“"Women who had more dating experience before committing reported lower levels of romantic regret overall compared to women who committed to early relationships. The pattern was consistent with the idea that experienced daters develop more realistic partner expectations, reducing compatibility-based regret. Men showed a flatter pattern across dating history breadth."
”
Source data from
2012-01-01
Accessed
2026-05-13
Calculation
Northwestern/Summerville study (n=370). This study provides directional support for the inaction-side rate being lower than the action-side rate: people who date more widely tend to report less romance regret, not more. It does not supply a direct regret rate; the Pew 16% does. Used here as corroborating theoretical context for why the inaction path carries lower regret in this domain.
Caveats
The 30% figure (Clever Real Estate) captures compatibility regret among current married adults, not specifically those who married a first partner. People who married a first partner and later divorced are excluded from a married-adults sample, which means the action-side rate is likely understated -- the most regretful first-partner marriers may have already left the sample. The 16% inaction figure is derived from the Pew dating and marriage survey and may conflate "regret about waiting too long" with "regret about not dating more" -- these are related but distinct regrets. Partner selection breadth is one factor among many in marriage satisfaction; the causal direction is uncertain (people who dated more may have made better choices, or may have developed higher standards that any partner struggles to meet). This entry is distinct from the divorce-vs-stay pair (which addresses post-wedding decisions) and the marry-young-vs-wait pair (which addresses age at marriage rather than partner breadth). Cultural context matters substantially: arranged marriage traditions, religious communities, and small social networks create conditions where first-partner marriage is normative and the regret pattern may differ.
