Lending money to family or friends is a decision where both paths carry
substantial downside. Bankrate’s 2019 survey of 2,490 US adults found
that 46% of those who lent money to a loved one experienced negative
consequences — lost money, damaged credit, or harmed relationships.
LendingTree’s parallel survey put direct regret at 27%. On the refusal
side, 26% of those who declined to lend say the refusal ended a
relationship entirely. The action side carries financial risk; the
inaction side carries relational risk.
The asymmetry in regret type is more interesting than the asymmetry in
regret rate. Lenders who regret the decision typically lost money they
will not recover — a concrete, quantifiable harm. Refusers who regret it
lost a relationship — an emotional, diffuse harm that may be harder to
value but can persist longer. Gilovich and Medvec’s temporal framework
would predict that the relational regret (inaction) grows over time while
the financial regret (action) fades, but no longitudinal study has
tested this specifically for family lending.
The comparison has a fundamental measurement problem: the two sides use
different instruments, different survey years, and different definitions
of “negative outcome.” The 37% midpoint used for the action side blends
direct regret (27%, LendingTree) with broader negative consequences
(46%, Bankrate). The 26% for the inaction side measures relationship
loss, not self-reported regret. A cleaner comparison would need a single
validated instrument applied to both lenders and refusers in the same
sample. Until that exists, the takeaway is qualitative: both lending and
refusing carry roughly comparable odds of a bad outcome, but the nature
of the harm differs.
Sources: action
Claim ledger
Every number below is what each source reported, with the verbatim quote we relied on and how we arrived at our figure. Click any link to verify directly.
[1]Bankrate — Survey: Nearly half of Americans who lend cash to loved ones face negative consequences
Reference source
46% of those who lent money to family or friends experienced negative consequences including lost money, damaged credit, or harmed relationships
Excerpt
“"Nearly half (46%) of those who lent cash to loved ones experienced a negative consequence as a result, whether it was losing money, damaging a relationship or seeing a decline in their credit score."
”
Source data from
2019-09-25
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
Bankrate surveyed 2,490 US adults in August 2019. The 46% negative-consequences figure is the broadest measure. Of those, 37% specifically lost money and ~20% experienced relationship damage. We use 0.37 as the regret_rate (midpoint of 27% direct regret from LendingTree and 46% negative outcomes from Bankrate).
[2]LendingTree — Lending Between Family or Friends Results in Guilt, Hurt Feelings and Regret, Survey Finds
Reference source
27% of those who lent money to a loved one regret it; lending between family or friends is likely to result in guilt, hurt feelings, or regret
Excerpt
“"More than a quarter (27%) of Americans who lent money to a loved one in the last year regret it. Lending between family or friends is likely to result in guilt, hurt feelings, or regret."
”
Source data from
2019-11-07
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
LendingTree commissioned Qualtrics to survey US consumers. The 27% is a direct regret measure, lower than the 46% negative- consequences figure from Bankrate because it captures explicit regret rather than any negative outcome.
Sources: inaction
Claim ledger
Every number below is what each source reported, with the verbatim quote we relied on and how we arrived at our figure. Click any link to verify directly.
[1]LendingTree — 31% of Americans Say a Friend or Family Member Owes Them Money
Reference source
26% say money ended a relationship because they refused to lend; relationship loss is the primary negative outcome of refusing
Excerpt
“"Among reasons why the subject of money ended a relationship, 26% say it was because they refused to lend the money."
”
Source data from
2021-10-20
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
LendingTree commissioned Qualtrics to survey 2,051 US consumers in October 2021. The 26% represents those who lost a relationship specifically because they refused to lend. We use 0.26 as the regret_rate, noting that it measures relationship loss (a proxy for regret) rather than direct decisional regret.
[2]LendingTree — Survey: Many Americans Prefer Debt Over Borrowing From Family
Reference source
Many Americans would rather take on formal debt than borrow from family, suggesting that the social costs of family lending cut both ways
Excerpt
“"Many Americans say they would prefer to go into debt rather than borrow from a family member or friend, highlighting the social risks inherent in mixing money and personal relationships."
”
Source data from
2022-06-15
Accessed
2026-04-25
Calculation
Contextual support showing that the social costs of family lending are widely recognized. The preference for formal debt over family borrowing suggests that both lending and refusing carry relational risk.
Caveats
The action-side and inaction-side figures measure different things: the 37% captures financial loss and general negative outcomes from lending, while the 26% captures relationship loss from refusing. These are not equivalent regret measures — one is primarily financial harm, the other is relational harm. A true apples-to-apples comparison would require the same instrument applied to both groups. The surveys are also from different years and slightly different populations. The delta of 0.11 exceeds the 0.05 threshold, so we classify as action_dominates — lending carries a higher measured regret rate than refusing. However, the qualitative difference in regret type (money lost vs relationship lost) means the directional label should be read with caution; both sides carry substantial and differently-flavored downsides. Survey data are drawn exclusively from United States samples; satisfaction and regret rates in countries with different institutional structures — housing markets, credit culture, retirement systems, or social norms — may differ substantially.
